Grieving…what comes next?

Hey there Readers. 

The more and more I promise to keep you all to date the more I realize that my life gets crazier and crazier. But the important thing is that I’m here keeping you up to date now. Recently I have been going through some tough situations, but when you surround yourself with a great supportive system then you can get through anything. My friends and family have been everything this past month. I found out just a couple of weeks that my cousin was shot to death in Mexico. 

Loosing a family member is something that I wish that no person goes through. It has been one of the hardest things that I have had to face. My friends and family have made this process easier but it still hurts. My cousin was not just a cousin he was my brother. I am the oldest of three and I always wanted brothers, but I was blessed with sisters. There are things in this world that we will never be able to understand and one of them is all the hate. My cousin was killed by members of the Cartel. 

The Mexican government went and ran a story in the paper stating that my cousin was involved with the Cartel. This story was false and it has not only put my family in distraught but it has also tainted my family name. My cousin was a musician. He had a band. He loved music. He was a good kid inside and out and he loved his family and friends. My cousin didn’t deserve to die but all things happen for a reason. I am a strong believer in that. We may not ever be able to understand that but eventually we need accept that our loved ones who have passed have gone to a better place. 

If anything the death of my cousin has made me look at life in a different way. I have always been a meek person. Even though here on my blog I seem to speak my mind in reality I hold my tongue in situations. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want to be able to be honest with the people that are in my life. I don’t want to wake and think “What if?” anymore. I’ve done that for most of my life and its tiring and unnecessary. Do things that you have always been scared to do because you never what can happen that day or the next! Live your life to the fullest and have no regrets! Be filled with love and share your love with the world and with people. Be the best person as possible. Whether you believe in heaven or not always know that the people who have passed have gone off to a better place. And however you deal with the grief just always know that it will get better and you will get through it. You just have to believe it. Thank you for always listening, take care, and share the love.

-R

 

Morning People…or What I Like to Call Really Angry Dumbf@ck People.

Morning Readers just reporting here at my local Starbucks. I just got off my graveyard shift at the hotel. The wifi and the cable were both out last night which means that it was a really long night. I can’t tell you how much I want to find a new job readers. Usually when I start getting that feeling in the pit of my stomach it means that its time for me to either find a new job or to transfer to a different hotel. And as I always say that if you have been reading my blog from the looks of it it means that I just need to get a new job. I’m really getting sick and tired of working there.  There are nothing but idiots at that place…anyways so I got on the 155 bus that I always take every morning from my job. Sometimes I’ll walk but lately I have been just taking the bus. I get home quicker which means I get to go to sleep sooner. When I’m the bus or when I walk home I can’t help but notice how angry people are in the morning. 

I get it…its the morning. Not all people are morning people. This morning when I got on the bus there was this little old lady sitting in front of me. I simply said good morning and waved to her. She replied with a “F@ck Off” and “Leave Me Alone”. Did I also mention that the old hag snarled at me. At first I thought she might be mentally challenged but then I realized “Nope she meant every word that she said to me.” 

Now I didn’t say anything back because that is not my nature…plus I figured that the old lady was either drunk or on crack or she just simply hated her life. It happens. I got off the bus and began to walk towards the crosswalk. Now I know that there are Morning people but if you a morning person and you drive then you are what I like to call Angry Dumbf@ck People.

These are people that you affiliate with road rage…I was just about to enter the crosswalk when this bitch of a person driving a Range Rover almost ran me over. I had the right a way and this person was too busy talking on their cell phone. I could have been killed. Well let me tell you something I turned around so fast that I ended up giving them the finger. 

My point is that mornings are rough and they are even rougher when you have just finished an eight hour graveyard shift with no wifi and no cable. Watch where you are going in the mornings when you are driving and by all means if you are an old lady and you hate your life or you’re a drunk or you’re on crack please refrain from taking the 155 bus. It would make my morning a lot brighter if you didn’t. 

Time to go home and hit the hay. Later readers! 

 

-R

It’s Been A While…

Okay, I know what you’re all thinking…where the hell have I been? I apologize right now for the hiatus. I’ve had a lot of things happening in the past couple of months. Up until now I have decided to not be so quiet anymore and just really speak my mind about a lot of things. To the readers who have been keeping up with my blog thank you very much and you all know that I am an honest person, but on my blog. In real life I can be a bit of a chicken, but no more! Its one of my resolutions. With that being said let me fill you in what has been happening with me.

I still work with a bunch of idiots at the hotel. Currently I want to try and find something new, but in the mean time I’m just going to have to deal with all the hookers, drunks, and idiots of the hotel. The funny thing is that at one point my incompetent dumb-ass of a manager quit and then decided to come back after just one of quitting. I was really disappointed in finding out the news that he had return. He actually had the nerve to try and be hard with us front desk people after he returned. I’m sorry, but if your going to quit a job where no one gave you any respect in the first place what makes you think that we’re going to give you respect now? Most of the older employees who have been working here at the hotel for forty something years can all agree that it doesn’t matter what generation you are from…we can all agree on one thing and that is that our manager is an idiot, that and that the owner of the hotel can croak at any minute. The dude is really old. I love elderly people but when its their time to go its their time to go.

I’m actually getting my play up which is really exciting! I have already done the rewrite of the play and have a reading. Next step is getting it up with my friends theater company that she is a part of. I might actually be able to establish myself as a playwright in LA. Which is pretty rad I might say myself

I’m still single and by the way today is Valentines Day and I could give two shits. No really I could care less. I hate this holiday and its not that I’m single. Oh no! I do pretty well on this day. I spend the night drinking and watching horror movies. I love it and I recommend to all the single guys and ladies out there. I think the worst thing about this holiday is that I have to work at the hotel right now and deal with all the couples who think we are the freaking W Hotel. News flash! If you want something classy then go book a hotel that is classy because we are nowhere near it!

In other news my personal life is hanging by a thread. No really its hanging by a thread. The few friends that I do have I thought were my friends, but lately they have all been bullshitting me and lets face it…I don’t have time for bullshit. I have way to many other things to worry about than to deal with the flakiness of some people. I don’t like flakes the only flakes I like are the frosted kind and sometimes I can only take those in small doses. People do you ever feel that sometimes you have been thrown, no catapulted back into high school? This is a result with surrounding yourself with bullshitters. And we can’t take part of a world that is filled with bullshit. So I say this…get rid of the bullshitters now before they take over your life. Because before you know it you will be stuck in high school. I’m 24 years old! I don’t have time for this shit.

I’m just tired of a lot of things people and I just want to be the best person that I can be. Also I want friends who will actually be there for me when I need them. Not just when they feel like being here. I’ve had to many people like that in my life its time to just weed them out once and for all.

I promise I’ll keep up to date. Sorry for being lazy, but we have all been there some days. To all those who are celebrating Valentines and enjoying themselves have a nice night.

-R

P.s.- I can’t decide on either Texas Chainsaw Massacre or the Scream Trilogy for tonight hmmm….

Why Pterodactyls Like to take a Big Ol Crap on My Birthday!

Hey there bloggers. I know its been forever since my last post, but if you have been keeping up with my posts you all know the drill. So next week is my 24th birthday…which means I’m close to 25, which means that just 5 more years until I’m 30. My twenties are slipping away people. That is why so far for each year of my twenties I have been trying really hard to make each year memorable. My 20th birthday I moved to L.A. On my 21st I’m pretty sure I got alcohol poising (As I’m sure most of the human race on their 21st have.) My 22nd I went to Disneyland, and then last year for my 23rd I went to San Francisco for the first time ever spontaneously. So far each year they have been pretty memorable, but for my 24th I decided that I would plan a trip to VEGAS! That’s right VEGAS! I thought I would have a good ol fashion “Hangover” style Vegas 24th this year…so this is where the title of this post comes in. So each year so far for my birthday of my twenties they have been memorable, but for some reason something always goes wrong. I think that I’m cursed. You know how there are those people in life who on their birthday they always have everything go perfect for them because either A.) They have made a pact with the Devil or B.) Because I think that they have a “Birthday Fairy” following them around. But for me its a different story. I hoenstly believe that I have a FREAKING PTERODACTYL following me around who on my birthday likes to take a bog freaking steaming CRAP on it. I don’t know what it is, but for some reason it is what it is. I know some people have rain clouds following them around, but for some reason I have damn Pterodactyl (which by the way is a complete bitch.) Now of course this Pterodactyl is imaginary, metaphorical, and of course extinct but this damn this is a pain in my ass. It’s not just my birthday, but it likes to take little craps every now and then in other situations. If you have been reading my other blogs you can figure it out for yourself, but seriously what did I do to deserve this? I would be fine with a rain cloud, but NOOOOOOOOO I have to have the Pterodactyl! For example, on my 20th birthday yes I moved to a new city to start a new life. My family was helping me get all settled in at college, that night they just decided to go back to the hotel, and forget the fact that it was my birthday. I didn’t even get a cupcake with a candle or nothing! On my 21st the alcohol poisoning…need I say more? On my 22nd I went to Disneyland by myself. And on my 23rd yes it was spontaneous, but we drove around till dawn looking for a hotel because we didn’t book one (Okay that one I can understand that was our faults, but at the same time you would be pissed too!) Which brings me to my Vegas trip…everyone that I invited has bailed after I’ve made the reservation for the hotel and everything! I understand people have lives and whatnot but I just wanted to have a good time with my friends. So in conclusion I have decided that just because I can’t go to Vegas I might as well go balls out here in L.A. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I have a week to figure it out. Just once I’d like for this Pterodactyl to give me a freaking break. If you have any ideas readers about how I should celebrate the big TWO-FOUR send me a message! Until next post!

-R

P.s- Now I understand how the Flintstones must of felt back in Bedrock…

I Live at the End of the World….

Readers…I live at the end of the world. I live in Noho…which is at the end of the world. It’s considered a city, but really it should be considered a town. If you have been keeping up with my blog, most of you know by now that I worked at a hotel and that I run the night audit. So every morning when I get home from work I take a shower and then go to sleep. I wake up and its night time and its time for me to go to work again. I woke up this evening to this crazy wind that is blowing outside. I seriously think that its the Devil’s wind because its the point that it might as well be blowing down everything in site including myself. I checked the forecast and apparently in other parts of California the wind isn’t even this crazy! And of course at the End of the World where I live the wind would be its craziest. I feel that all states have an “End of the World” part to their cities. For New York its “Hell’s Kitchen” and then in Arizona it’s ‘”Mesa”. Basically the point of this post is this….I live in the most fucked up place in all of LA. When people ask. “Oh where do you live” I tell them ” Oh you know…the valley.” “What part in the valley?” and I usually take a pause and then I reply with “Noho”…..and of course I always get a blank face stare. Like if North Hollywood is freaking Mars or something. Look I know that I live at the “End of the World”, but at least it’s quiet enough that I don’t have to be waking up in the middle of the night to helicopters or sirens or babies crying in the middle of the night. I like my “End of the World” because its MY “End of the World”. If I were to ask you where you live, and you replied with whatever answer. I wouldn’t look at you like you’re and idiot and judge you for where you live. They always say, LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION…yeah? Well screw that saying because it doesn’t matter where you live because the only thing that matters is that if you call it a home, then its your home. Its no one else’s its YOUR HOME. Anyways I live at the end of the world! And I’m proud to call it my HOME!

-R

P.s.- And another thing…I like where I live because at the end of the world there is a Denny’s right down the street from me!

To Tell or Not to Tell? That is the Question…

Evening readers…or should I say good morning? Its 2:16 AM over here in the City of Lost Angels. And yes, you guessed it I’m working at the Hotel again tonight, but not to worry I have Wed and Thurs off. Now what could I possibly have on my mind at this hour? Well given the fact that for me its about 9 AM for me right now. I have a lot on my mind, but I have a certain thing on my mind that I have to get off my chest. I consider my blog a safe place to vent and to talk about things that I wouldn’t necessarily discuss in public. Mostly because I’m too much of a coward to really go up and tell people how I really feel. And doing so I go to my blog and I speak my mind. It helps me cope with what is really going on in my life. Readers I have fallen in love twice in my life. The first time was for someone that I was willing to change myself and in doing so they took little pieces of me. The second time was unrequited and to me that’s the worst kind of love. And now I am crushing on someone, and I’m really scared to tell them how I feel. It all goes back to the second time that I had fallen for someone. That person before was a friend of mind and when I told them how I felt they turned and looked the other way, and they have never spoken to me since. I got closure from them, but because of what had happened i have always been scared to tell someone how I really feel because of this situation. Now I know that I should just tell them, but for me even if that person doesn’t feel the same, and I know that I’m not being negative because I KNOW THAT I AM A WONDERFUL PERSON INSIDE AND OUT! I don’t care what other people think of me, but what scares me the most is losing this persons friendship. I care from them as a friend and even more, but I’m scared to lose them as a whole. I’m sure plenty of you are or have dealt with the same thing that I am going through at this very moment, but I just don’t know what to do. It’s like when you walk on a ice bank and there is a 50/50 chance that you might break through the ice. Not telling them hurts…so why can’t I just fucking do it? Tell me what you think readers. Catch you next post.

-R

P.s- Adele always knows how to preach.

Running…or dying?

Hey there readers! Just here reporting from the hotel. Just another night filled with drunks, hookers, and stupid people. All the perks of running the night here at Best Western. I know its not a typical a job, but it pays the bills. In other news this morning I went for a 3 mile run after I did my night audit. Was I freaking tired? You bet your ass I WAS! But here’s the thing, I had to. Since I have been on this journey of wanting to loose 15lbs by my birthday I have been hitting the running shoes hardcore. So far with my running I have feel 10 time more stress free. Which is a good thing, and not to mention I know in most cases many therapist would look at my case and say that I am the “Road of Recovery”, but honestly I just look at it as ME NOT KILLING the idiotic people that I encounter in my life. I will say this though. Running this morning did hurt a little. That’s only because the wind this morning was so damn cold that it kept piercing my freaking lungs. It was like I had eaten a sack full of needles which at this point sounds more appealing because I have NOTHING in my pantry. So if anyone would like to donate some food or money to me that would be nice. The life of paying bills and living on your own. Being an adult sucks, but hey what can you do? Right? Is it just me? Or does anyone else feel like it isn’t December? Maybe its my lack of Christmas spirit, but I just don’t feel like its Christmas or December. I feel like its February…which no offense to anyone who has a deep love for that month, but I hate it. It always reminds me of my lack of relationships. Personally I celebrate Valentines Day with me a bottle of wine and a Slasher Flick Marathon. I think I win on that day don’t you think? Anyways I’ll keep you posted on my lack of the Holiday spirit readers. Until next post.

-R

P.s.- I think my lack of the Christmas spirit has something to do with the world ending this year…

The Actors: The Hollywood Reporter Oscar Rountable 2013 Interview!

And here is the interview with the actors everyone! I hope you enjoy this as well!

-R

The Actresses: The Hollywood Reporter Oscar Roundtable 2013 Interview!

Here it is readers! I hope you all enjoy the video Tell what you all think!

-R

OSCAR SEASON!

It’s here everyone the one event that all actors, directors, writers, and movie lovers wait for….drum roll please….OSCAR SEASON! Yes, of course the election was important and I’m sure that Superbowl will be filled with lots of junk food and beer bellies, but when Oscar Season comes around…how can I put this nicely? Don’t bother me! Yes, it might sound harsh at first but its the truth. When Oscar Season comes around all I do is EAT, BREATHE, and SLEEP the films that are up for nominations!

The oscar’s area huge deal for people like me because its the one time that all of us actors, directors, writers, backstage crew can get together and look at those who are being nominated and say to ourselves, “I’m not crazy…I can do this as a career “. I absolutely love it! The best thing about it is that every year we get together at someone’s house and there is food and drink, and we all make bets on who is going to win. I bet everything on Glenn Close and Viola Davis last year….that was a stupid move. I just secretly wanted them to win. I love Meryl Streep she is the holy grail of acting and the craft, but I just thought it be cool if one of the other gals had a chance. I know that they will have their time.

I knew Meryl was going to win. The last time she won she wore a gold dress….and well she was wearing gold again….of course she was going to win! This year it looks like it might be a juicy one as well. All the nominations for the women look FANTASTIC! Ladies of the Oscar Roundtable of 2013…if any of you read my blog…not only will I crap my pants, but I would just like to say to all of you break legs and hearts! Your beautiful work that you have shared with the world will be shown on the screen and kept with us forever.

Films are like time capsules. Depending on what the film is about they tell you about is actually happening in the world. All you have to do is listen and watch and they open you to a world you have never seen before! So may this Oscar Season be a great one! My heart goes to all the nominees! Let the games begin!

-R

P.s.- Please watch the uncensored Hollywood Reporter interview with all the lovely canidates for this seasons Oscar! Absolutely inspiring and fascinating